


Two Old Vampires Having A Drink

by aegicheezu



Category: GacktJOB, Jrock, Malice Mizer, X JAPAN
Genre: M/M, Suicide mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 19:23:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11493045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aegicheezu/pseuds/aegicheezu
Summary: what happens when two veteran rock stars begin to reminisce?set in the present - after Yoshiki's film "We Are X" has been released, and after his recent neck surgery.





	Two Old Vampires Having A Drink

It had been some time since Yoshiki had texted the younger man to hang out; between his constant doctor’s appointments and Gackt’s film schedule, it was proving difficult to spend any time together, even for a quick drink. He gazed out at the brightly lit city-scape from his Tokyo apartment. 

   
_Are you in Tokyo? - Y_

 

(…)

 

_Yeah, for the next few days. Are you feeling better lately? - G_

 

(…)

 

_Much. Do you want to get dinner? - Y_

 

(…)

 

_Of course. - G_

   
Yoshiki smiled. How many years had the men been friends? _At least a decade, surely,_ he thought. The texts went back and forth until they settled on a small sake bar. Yoshiki called ahead to ensure the bar would be “closed” so the two could have a quiet evening. 

 

***

 

“Gacchan! It’s been a while,” a smiling Yoshiki greeted his friend with a hug. Gackt carefully hugged him back, minding the other man’s fragile frame. 

“How’s your neck, Yoshi?” Gackt inquired softly, smiling in return. His eyes, behind his characteristic sunglasses, betrayed concern. Yoshiki had always been a thin man, but lately he had begun to look so… small. Yoshiki noticed Gackt’s eyes and tried to make him laugh. 

“Oh, it’s awful,” Yoshiki joked. “I’ll be alright. The surgery went really well. But I have to be careful from now on.” _I suppose I’m not going to live forever, right?_ He thought. 

“Let’s go in,” Gackt patted the other man’s back gently and led him inside. _Just like old times, huh?_ He thought. 

 

***

 

They sat close enough to each other at the bar that their legs comfortably touched. Rather than their typical leather getups, they both had decided to wear decidedly casual, inconspicuous clothing for once - Gackt a pair of distressed jeans and a zippered hoodie, Yoshiki a black tracksuit. Even thought they’d left the glamour behind, they both couldn’t seem to give up the dark tinted sunglasses that by now seemed attached permanently to their faces. 

The bartender took notice of this, and joked, “are you two vampires or something? It’s just the two of you in here,” he motioned to the dim lights above the bar, “surely you don’t need those!” he laughed, good-naturedly. 

The two men looked at each other for a beat, and then burst out laughing. 

“He’s right, Yoshi,” Gackt smiled, removing his shades. “It _is_ just the two of us in here.”

“We vampires can’t be too careful, you know,” Yoshiki joked. “You know that’s what they call me on social media,” he added, sarcastically. “I sometimes wish I could be as youthful as one.”

“Ah yes, but it was me that actually pretended to be a vampire when I first debuted, you remember,” Gackt added, cringing theatrically at the memory. 

“I always liked Mizer’s aesthetics,” Yoshiki mused, taking a sip of his beer. “X was never as frilly. I sometimes wished it was. I always liked frills.”

Gackt laughed. “ _Your_ thing was big hair,” he gently poked Yoshiki’s arm. “How many cans of spray did you go through every show?” 

“Between all of us? Guess,” Yoshiki threw his head back, laughing. His hand rested on Gackt’s thigh where they sat. Gackt didn’t notice. 

“At least 5, right?” Gackt tossed back a gulp of beer. 

“Higher,” Yoshiki replied, smiling. 

“Six? Seven?” 

“Higher!”

The bartender joined in. “Ten!” the men all laughed. 

 

***

 

A few hours passed by as quickly as though they were mere minutes. Not wanting to drink the bar dry, the men paid their rather high bills, thanked the owner for staying opened so late, and left. They headed back to Yoshiki’s place - “I’ve got a bottle of wine that practically has our names on it,” he’d said. “Don’t you _literally_ have a wine named for you now, though?” “Oh, right.” 

 

Laughter, like teenagers. 

   
The evening hadn’t yet turned into serious remembrances of their shared past - the men sat listening to music (they only ever agreed on classical music) as they continued to drink. 

The two men were beyond displays of shyness now, and in their tipsy state, lay draped around each other, reclined on Yoshiki’s rather expansive leather sofa. They shared backstage stories, fashion malfunctions, their dreams for future endeavours - Gackt wanted to write and produce a Hollywood film someday, and Yoshiki dreamt of whole vineyards bearing his name. 

“One day, I’m sure we’ll look back on our lives and smile.” Yoshiki mused, fondly. “We’re getting older, Gacchan.”

It was Gackt, then, that turned the conversation more serious. 

“Surely, not too old to enjoy life?” he turned his face to Yoshiki, who was by now resting his head against Gackt’s shoulder. 

“Hmm?” Yoshiki muttered. “I don’t suppose I’ve ever really… _really_ enjoyed this life.” 

“You’ve lost so many things,” Gackt replied, sympathetically. “You know, in your film, Yoshi, you…” he nudged Yoshiki a little, making him sit up. “You said things that I thought you’d keep private till your dying day.” _I was really surprised,_ he thought. “I was surprised you bore so much of yourself like that… I thought I was one of the only people you’d dare be so honest with.”

Yoshiki blinked away the alcohol that made him drowsy. “You are,” he offered. “But I wanted to get everything out,” he rested a soft hand against the other man’s leg. “I wanted those thoughts out of my mind, out of my body. I felt like if I didn’t speak them aloud, they would be the thing that killed me… in the end.”

Gackt suddenly felt much more awake. “You don’t mean that,” he spoke quietly. “Do you?” his eyes grew wide, concern rising in his throat. He gently put his own hand on top of Yoshiki’s, still resting on his thigh. 

“I have been this way since my father died… since Taiji, since Hideto…” Yoshiki’s voice was soft, threatening to break. “I have not allowed myself much happiness in this life, Gacchan.”

“Please…” Gackt found himself acting without thinking, and took Yoshiki’s thin face in both hands, drawing him close. “Please don’t talk that way…” 

a soft kiss. 

a moment passed. 

and in the distance, it began to rain. 

"Gakuto…” Yoshiki whispered against the other’s soft lips, “what are you doing?”

“Don’t you think we’re beyond words now?” he replied sweetly. “Yoshiki Hayashi, the greatest rock star in this world, is confused by a kiss?” he smiled gently, looking up at the older man through large, brown eyes. 

Yoshiki smiled at the other’s childishness. “I’m not confused,” Yoshiki replied, nestling into Gackt’s neck. “Just… surprised.”

“And why is that?” Gackt asked smoothly, breathing in the scent of the other’s cologne. 

“I just…” Yoshiki mused, “this feels… easy. I never expected it to feel easy.”

“It doesn’t have to be complicated,” Gackt offered. “Who understands what this life is like, better than ourselves?” he paused, and pressed a soft kiss against Yoshiki’s forehead. “You and I are old hands in this industry… we have met and lost so many people, so many things… why not share this part of our lives, too?”

Yoshiki sat up again, and looked into Gackt’s large eyes. “I suppose you’re right…” he smiled, then looked down at his hands again. “But don’t you want someone younger, more beautiful…?” _You’re a famous player, did you forget?_ he thought. 

“Truthfully…” Gackt replied, “I haven’t loved anyone since Kami.” Gackt smiled, remembering. “Everyone since then has just been… passing the time.”

“I know what you mean.” Yoshiki replied. “I miss Hideto every single day of this life.” 

“But we don’t have to be lonely…” Gackt took Yoshiki’s hand in his again. “We can rest with each other and comfort each other,” he kissed Yoshiki’s hand gently. “Can’t we?”

The other man paused. 

“Yes,” he said finally, “Yes…” he nodded. “We should be able to rely on each other, like this…” he closed the distance between their faces further, and, smiling a little, kissed the younger man. _I’m sorry, Hide_ , he thought. _Forgive me, from heaven. I’m lonely…_

“Yoshiki, it’s okay to let yourself feel happiness.” Gackt said, almost reading the other man’s mind. “Hide will forgive you, just like Kami forgives me, from heaven. We can’t be frozen in place.”

Yoshiki nodded. 

Gackt stood, holding an outstretched hand for Yoshiki to take. The younger man led the other towards the bedroom; bare feet padded noiselessly along the wood floors. 

 

Wine glasses stood by the several empty bottles on a glass table. 

 

The hours fell away like so many articles of clothing under a full-moon sky. 


End file.
